For those of you who have read my post How to get people to do what you want and make the world a better place in the process don’t worry this is not just me rearranging the title of this post as click bait. For those who have not read the aforementioned post and actually want to make the world a better place, I highly suggest you read my original post as this post builds upon the topics covered in that post.
This post is about opposites and how sometimes you need to focus on the opposite or do the opposite to get the results you are actually looking for. I’ll start with a few examples from golf. For those non golfers reading, the examples still apply to most sports.
- How do you hit the ball higher? Hit down on the ball
- How do you stop your slice from going to the right? Close your stance and aim further right and swing through the ball to the right
- How do you hit the ball harder? Hit the ball lighter rather than 100% (ok not quite an opposite)
- Having issues with your long game? Focus on your short game and touch around the green
The take away here is not that you really want to do the opposite but you need to understand the opposite and use that knowledge to get done what you actually want to get done.
How does this apply to making the world a better place?
Simple, you can’t make the world a better place without you becoming a better person in the process. I’m not exactly sure if this is a causal relationship or just correlation, but I do really feel that in order to make others around you better, you need to make youself a better person first so when you try to help others you will become a an even better person.
I feel like I’m talking in circles here so I’ll try to be more concise and maybe work out a framework. In my last post about interdependency, I mention Stephen Covey’s stance on how we first must be independent before we can really be inrerdependent. This is probably one of the most important points I took from the book. I took this as meaning, you need to get to the point of being a super confident individual to realize that in reality being an individual will only get you so far and people needing each other and working together is the only way to achieve greatness.
Another great opposite. Become a great individual to make a collective of people great.
How does this apply to getting people to do what you want?
Simple, read the original post. No seriously, the original post in a way was a recipe to get people to do what you want but it only works if what you want is actually best for both parties involved.
Basically in order to get what you want, you need to understand what other people want and give that to them first.
Another example Covey gives is about sharing.
His daughter had a birthday party and she wouldn’t share the toys she had just received. He pleaded with her to share and eventually gave her toys to the other kids while she cried. His point was that his daughter never got to actually own the toys herself so it was impossible for her to share them.
You can’t share something, you don’t own
If you never truly own something, you can’t actually share it. Ie., even if you do share, it’s not because you want to but because you are either being told to do it or you just think it’s the right thing. This is sort of a similar concept to how on a plane they tell you to put on your emergency gear first before helping others. If you try to help others first, you will actually not be able to help anyone, and worst people may have to help you.
In conclusion, the point of this post is not to be selfish, but rather if you really want to do good things for others, you may need to spend some time to make sure that you are in a proper state yourself. If you are not, you may be able to temporarily help others, but you won’t be able to sustain that long term. In order for you to be truly effective, you need to look after yourself AND the others in your life.
Thanks as always for reading.
Henry Bill 